Male and Female Roles in Relationships

Since time immemorial, romantic entanglements, love affairs, couplings, and relationships, have had specific gender roles that has lived on upto this day and age of technological advancement.

No matter how much our world is run now by technology, there are a few things in it that will remain unquestioned and unchanged – roles each partner plays in the relationship. When two opposite sexes are attracted to each other, it is usually the female that gives out a signal that the male can come forward and introduce himself.

As in the animal kingdom, the courtship stage in any relationship is pretty much the same. Female gives a signal, male follows. Sometimes, the female of the species does not give out a signal but the male still pursues her. It’s all part of the courtship stage and the male could either win a yes or get a no from his love interest.

Courtship is where two people find out if they want to further the relationship and give their commitment to one another. It is also where both parties find out if they are better off not having a second or third date afterwards.

The Role Perspectives

From the viewpoint of the male, there are certain things that are expected of him regardless of whether these were suggested or hinted at. Chivalry is not an outdated male role no matter how advanced everything is today.

Women still appreciate their partners opening the door for them, pulling up their chair, carrying their stuff, and even driving them to wherever it is they have to go once in a while. A well-mannered gentleman is someone for keeps while a callous, cocky partner is more often just someone good enough for now – that is, until a better man comes along.

On the other hand, men appreciate women who are well-poised and carry themselves well. This is not to say that you have to live like someone from the Victorian Age and have impeccable manners suited to royalty. But, a well-bred woman is someone a typical man wants to bring home to meet his parents.

Believe it or not, some men mind if their current flames have had more boyfriends than they can count on one hand. This is part of the male ego working here – men wanting to have exclusivity over what they think to be their territory.

Women don’t mind this very much, just as long as they will be the last woman their partners will ever want to be with for the rest of their lives.

Great Social Expectations

In social norms, there are gender roles that have pervaded relationships since Adam and Eve came into being. Such norms include the belief or practice that it’s a man’s responsibility to provide for his family and that a woman should stay home to take care of the children. Then there are the lesser expectations (but nonetheless equally important) beliefs or practices such as men paying for dinner dates (i.e. meals whenever the couple dines out) or women waiting for the guy to ask them out. Heaven forbid a girl should ask a guy out! What will people think?! These and other things like it run through the minds of men and women in courtship.

Today’s society is no different from that of long ago in the sense that should someone break certain social norms, no matter how outdated they are, society will scoff and jeer at him or her.

For instance, if a woman who is successful career-wise fails at her marriage, she will probably feel the brunt of society’s disapproval. Society will be quick to point an accusing finger at the woman instead of looking at both parties involved and their individual faults (or lack thereof) in their family issues.

Men who prefer to stay home and take care of the family, on the other hand, are not exempt from society’s judging eyes. Men are not supposed to stay at home and take care of the children; that’s the role of the mother. Men are supposed to work and bring money home, right?

Wrong!

What Matters Most

Two individuals who are happy about themselves and are fully capable of nurturing a happy and healthy relationship with their partners will find out that, in the final reckoning of things, they dictate what will make them happy.

What matters more is how each partner is happy with the relationship and with their own personal growth. No matter how much society scoffs at people who dare to be different; society is still basically a bystander. It will not be society that will suffer the consequences should a relationship go downhill because of unmet societal expectations.

Yes, there are male and female roles in every relationship. The choice of particular roles, however, remains the choice of each partner. A man and woman can go with the flow and just follow where society leads them – everyone else is doing it so why shouldn’t we? However, they can also make up their own roles and relationship rules – after all, it is their relationship and no one else’s.

Roles in the relationship have a purpose. They give each partner a specific responsibility and thus help prevent significant disagreements in the future. However, it is not right to blindly follow what has always been if either party does not agree.

If you’re dating someone, for instance, it is important to talk about who gets the check every time. The woman will probably want the man to lavish her with dinner, flowers and wine. The man probably agrees. In this case, they’ll have no problem. However, if the woman believes in paying for her meals and the man believes that a woman should do so (even once in a while), then there should be no reason why the two of them can’t agree to go Dutch.

If you are living with someone, there should also be a discussion of who pays the bills. If both parties are in agreement that the man should work and pay the bills and the woman should keep home and pay nothing for its upkeep, fine. If they agree to split the bills, that’s all right as well. The important thing is to have these things decided before getting married or moving in with each other.

The point is simple. Whatever roles you and your partner are willing to take in your relationship, you should clearly express, openly discuss and resolutely agree on them. Otherwise, arguments and relationship breakdown will be inevitable.